1 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,545 FITZ, NARRATING: You know what a secret is? 2 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155 [Phone ringing] It's a commodity. 3 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:28,680 It's leverage, control. 4 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,725 The old man's secret? 5 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:31,248 [Zipper unzipping] 6 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:34,382 That jerkoff still jerks off to his ex-wife. 7 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:38,081 Would one you stupid cock jerkys answer the fucking phone? 8 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,344 Why should I answer the phone? 9 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,000 I'm the assistant office manger, not some secretary! 10 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,133 Meghan's secret is obvious. 11 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,569 She's a hermaphrodite 12 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:50,050 who bought her son on the black market. 13 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,139 At least that's what I'm telling everyone. 14 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,010 Clinically brain-dead. 15 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,969 Support our troops. 16 00:00:56,969 --> 00:01:00,277 I don't even want to guess what his deal is. 17 00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:02,584 Fitzpatrick Motors. How may I direct your call? 18 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,542 But I'll bet it involves a storage locker, 19 00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:07,719 illegal immigrants and a branding iron. 20 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,634 Richard, line two! 21 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:12,246 My secret? Don't have any. 22 00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,248 I live my life like an open book. 23 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,597 Fitz here. 24 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,990 Straight up. No bullshit. 25 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,862 Richard Fitzpatrick is an honest man, 26 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,124 making an honest buck. 27 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,126 Sure, I can show you where Dexter Laine died. 28 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,519 Fifty bucks. 29 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,868 For 100 bucks, I can show you photos of the chick 30 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,348 who blew him to death. 31 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,480 And Dot Foxley's secret? 32 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,874 Hey, this is a private call. 33 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,136 None. 34 00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,224 It's obvious she wants me. 35 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:40,187 ♪ 36 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,102 ♪ Without you 37 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:46,149 ♪ I'd find my smile 38 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,978 ♪ Without you 39 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,459 ♪ I'd have won by a mile 40 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,939 ♪ Without you 41 00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:57,552 ♪ Oh, life would be so grand ♪ 42 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,510 ♪ Without you 43 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,817 ♪ I'm half a man 44 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:05,429 ♪ Without you 45 00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:12,480 ♪ Without you... 46 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:17,180 ♪ Without you 47 00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,143 I'm not going to let you turn Fitzpatrick Motors 48 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,101 into a morbid roadside attraction. 49 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:28,148 I wouldn't have to if you hadn't stuck your nose and your mouth 50 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,192 where it didn't belong. 51 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,672 You killed my meal ticket, lady. 52 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:31,673 [Gasping] 53 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:32,804 I didn't kill him. 54 00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,372 It was the vodka and Alzheimer's meds. 55 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,635 But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 56 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,072 Hey, Dex Laine was my idol. 57 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,987 Most people would show me a little sympathy 58 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,380 in light of his recent passing. 59 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,774 Or they would cut me a little slack. 60 00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,558 Or they would take off my slacks, 61 00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:50,213 which goes back to showing a little sympathy. 62 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:54,217 Whatever little scam you're trying to pull, 63 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:59,179 I will stop you. 64 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,051 - You see? - You see? 65 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,009 She has all but admitted it. She is out to get you. 66 00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,187 I thought we agreed she wasn't the shadowy figure. 67 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,536 LARRY: Well, based on recent events, 68 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,060 she is once again my prime suspect. 69 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,018 Jesus, Encyclopedia Brown Nose, 70 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,369 it's obvious she was just trying to make me jealous. 71 00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,719 Hm, or murder you on the Beaver Moon. 72 00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:18,720 FITZ: You know what? 73 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,112 Fuck the Beaver Moon, 74 00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:22,245 fuck the prophecy and fuck the shadowy figure. 75 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,769 What I need is money, land and the Summer Wind Lounge. 76 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,162 Got it? No. 77 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,208 What you need is to identify your mystery nemesis. 78 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,035 Otherwise there won't be a Summer Wind Lounge, 79 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,255 because there won't be a Richard Fitzpatrick. 80 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,126 This from the guy who turned my last piece of property 81 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,172 into a toxic wasteland? 82 00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,391 That was you. 83 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,741 Let's not play the blame game here, okay? 84 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,483 Let's get out there and earn! Come on! 85 00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:45,225 Sounds like you got a plan. 86 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,141 Damn, he's got a plan. 87 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,799 How does a deceased man sign his own souvenir shirt? 88 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,671 The autographed one should go for 50, easy. 89 00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,063 But if you shut up, I can get you one 90 00:03:58,063 --> 00:04:00,152 for the low, low price of 40... 91 00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,241 49... 92 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,372 49.99. 93 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,373 Plus 10%. 94 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,374 Start signing. 95 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,375 The crowds will be here soon. 96 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,811 The crowds? Yeah. 97 00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,683 I posted a message on the Dexter Laine website, 98 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,119 and the fans are going ape shit. 99 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,208 Richard, this isn't honouring a legend. 100 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,993 It's unscrupulous exploitation of a man's death. 101 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,560 I'm wearing a tuxedo. 102 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,170 What is--? 103 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,565 Okay, clearly, you're exhibiting signs of textbook denial. 104 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:25,177 Hey, hey, that's your very first stage of grief, 105 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,875 an emotional milestone. 106 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,877 I am not denying. 107 00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,095 I am cashing in. 108 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,488 And, frankly, Dex Laine would be offended 109 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:35,362 if I didn't take advantage of his death. 110 00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,932 When was the last time I wore this tux? 111 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,151 WOMEN: Go, Fitz. 112 00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:45,633 - No, no, no. - Fitz! Fitz! 113 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:49,027 Richard, are you okay? 114 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,552 I'm fine. 115 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:55,164 Hey, what did that stir stick remind you of? 116 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,426 What does it mean? 117 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,427 It means there's a drink somewhere 118 00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,428 that needs to get stirred. 119 00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,648 Fuck off. 120 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,131 Yeah, I thought that Uncle D died on the bus. 121 00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,437 Ah, creative licence. 122 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,134 Oh, we should splash some fake blood around. 123 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,223 Make it look more gory. People love that shit. 124 00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,530 Yeah, yeah, hey, I can't get the real stuff, you know? 125 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:17,142 I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a-- 126 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:22,191 Look, Fitz, I need to talk to you about something. 127 00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:24,106 [Sighing] [Lighter clicking] 128 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,155 You can't talk and work at the same time? 129 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:33,071 The tension's still there, you know? 130 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,247 Between you and me, a dude can get jealous 131 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,814 when his best friend gets a girlfriend, 132 00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:40,340 but I don't want what Dot and I have 133 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,124 to come in between us. 134 00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:45,257 She's not your girlfriend, Josh. 135 00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,608 Fitzy, buddy, don't be like this. 136 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,001 Dot's blown every guy at the fucking dealership. 137 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,613 Except for Larry, but he doesn't have a dick and me, 138 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,963 which is a mystery that will rival Stonehenge 139 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,660 for what the fuck is up with that? 140 00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,183 Hey, you know what? 141 00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:01,143 What Dot and I have is honest 142 00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:04,233 and trueand pure 143 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,626 and honest. 144 00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,019 Like that fairytale in the swamp 145 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,020 with the guy. 146 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,282 Remember, with the--? 147 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:13,503 You know what? 148 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:17,246 I'm not talking. 149 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:20,249 For two days. 150 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,210 Fucking stoner. 151 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,125 Step right up.[Car horns tooting] 152 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:30,607 See where legendary crooner Dexter Laine died. 153 00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:33,044 - MAN: Get a real job! - It's incredibly sad. 154 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,481 Where the hell is everybody? 155 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,353 Well, most of Uncle D's fans are elderly, Richard. 156 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,181 It's going to take them days just to get out of bed. 157 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,443 Well, you better step your game up. 158 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,445 I need lines around the block, reservations. 159 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,621 I need a waiting list before fucking Dot 160 00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:45,883 shuts this shit down. 161 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,232 Right on track. 162 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:50,584 You're shifting from denial to anger. Rarr! 163 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:53,238 Ahem. 164 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:56,067 [In German accent]: How much for the VIP tour? 165 00:06:58,548 --> 00:06:59,941 I'm Richard Fitzpatrick. 166 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:00,985 Right this way. 167 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,291 Cash in advance. 168 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:06,034 Richard, please, I'm begging-- He's got a gun. 169 00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,383 Of course he does. He's German. 170 00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,428 Bavarian. 171 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,780 [German accent]: Right this way. 172 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,260 Got a gun. 173 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,219 [Sighing] 174 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:21,963 This is remarkable shrine you've erected in Uncle D's honour. 175 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,617 I consider it a public service. 176 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,533 Make sure you tell all your friends. 177 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:30,493 Ah, so cool. 178 00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:40,590 I understand you were with Uncle D when he expired, yeah? 179 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,897 It was natural causes. 180 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,942 You misunderstand me, Herr Fitzpatrick. 181 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,815 I seek only to know more about the condition of the death. 182 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,296 Tell me, was it tragic? 183 00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,218 It was very tragic, like an opera. 184 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,307 His feet--? 185 00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,092 Were they freshly bathed? 186 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,053 He showered compulsively. 187 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:10,533 What about shoes? 188 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,013 Was he wearing shoes? 189 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:14,058 Sandals perhaps? 190 00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:16,365 No, slippers. 191 00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,540 Oh, slippers. 192 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,802 Yeah, this is good. 193 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,195 Now, were the toenails--? 194 00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:21,501 Were they neatly trimmed 195 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,851 or was Uncle D careless in his maintenance? 196 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,157 What about the hair? Were they hairy? 197 00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,768 You like feet, do you? 198 00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,074 Do not judge me! 199 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,381 Whoa, take it easy Baron von Pervy. 200 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,382 I'm a breast man. 201 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,470 You're a foot man. 202 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,734 A dead-foot man. 203 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:41,259 Really? A necro-podiphiliac? 204 00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,044 That is seriously fucked up. 205 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:46,003 Not nearly as fucked up as what I would do with those feet 206 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:50,138 if I could have just one night with them. 207 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:54,403 And if I could facilitate this night of passion, 208 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:57,188 what would you be willing to pay for it? 209 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:03,978 A lot. 210 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,203 LARRY: Oh, Richard, t-this is bad. 211 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,901 How can you be so calm? 212 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,946 We could get caught at any second. 213 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,513 Hardly. The security guard's a drunk. 214 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,514 We have plenty of time, 215 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:22,649 as long as you don't fuck around. 216 00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,128 There he is. 217 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,261 You know, cutting off a dead man's feet 218 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:29,177 is not a healthy way to mourn your idol, Richard. 219 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,005 You know what else isn't healthy, Larry? 220 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,094 Ignoring debts to Lebanese mobsters. 221 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,922 If they don't get Summer Wind sanitation money, 222 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:38,186 I won't make it to the next Beaver Moon. 223 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,189 Yeah, but maybe if we just explain what happened and-- 224 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,104 I'll give you 1,000 bucks right now to shut the fuck up. 225 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:45,236 Good for you. Stage three, bargaining. 226 00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:46,760 [Liquid sloshing] [Sighing] 227 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,589 Hold on. 228 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,765 What is that? 229 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,723 There, on his neck. 230 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:54,724 And that? 231 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,379 Richard, what is--? What is--? 232 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,946 What is that? 233 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:03,167 Oh, for fuck's sake. 234 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,126 That's a penis, Larry. 235 00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,127 That's what men have. 236 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,128 No, no, I mean that mark. 237 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,912 Right there, look. 238 00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:15,136 Well, that's a hickey given by a woman with braces. 239 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,572 Huh? 240 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,573 What, you think I wouldn't recognize 241 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:18,922 the sweet, sweet scarring 242 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,532 that can only come from a woman's mouth? 243 00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:23,187 I've seen that mark before, Richard. 244 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,538 It's like the train-track scar on your backside. 245 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,323 Wait, wait! 246 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,977 Train tracks! 247 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,500 Richard, what are the signs the fortune-teller warned you about? 248 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,501 Remember? 249 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,634 Jesus, Ansel Asshole. 250 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,070 I don't have time for this shit. 251 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,462 We are here for one reason only, 252 00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,248 payola for Uncle D's admittedly attractive feet. 253 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,771 - Now give me that. - No, ow. Stop. 254 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,687 Give me that. Give me that. 255 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,036 Yeah! 256 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,995 Really? 257 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:51,738 Let me see that mark. 258 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:57,482 [Sighing] 259 00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,962 Fine, make it fast. 260 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,097 [Camera clicking] 261 00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,055 I knew it! A perfect match! 262 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,361 Thank you, Uncle D. 263 00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,276 Your death has given Richard a chance at life! 264 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,018 If we know Uncle D nailed Dot, do you think I did too? 265 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,020 Yes, yes, and now we can right the wrongs 266 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,326 you perpetrated against her and save our lives. 267 00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:18,155 Even better, that means I drilled her precious wetland 268 00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,722 before anyone else at the dealership. 269 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,419 Suck on that, Josh! 270 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:24,727 I will never take your sloppy seconds! Yeah! 271 00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:28,731 I suppose that is a victory as well! Yeah! 272 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,646 Fuck off, Larry. 273 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,604 Now, where did I leave that bone saw? 274 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:38,436 Okay, just-- If we could maybe-- 275 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,003 I got it. I got it. 276 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,744 [Groaning] 277 00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:42,745 Hurry up, will you? 278 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:46,227 Richard, you know what? 279 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,056 Maybe-- Maybe your dream 280 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,233 isn't a dream at all but a memory. 281 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,583 Yeah, what if your subconscious has been trying 282 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,020 to warn you about Dot this whole time? 283 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,370 You've said some dumbass things since I've know you, Larry, 284 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,069 but that was the dumbest-assiest. 285 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,027 Now get on with it! 286 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,247 Okay, yeah, no problem. Just-- 287 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:10,164 But what does this remind you of? 288 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:12,035 That's that stupid swizzle stick from some hotel. 289 00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:13,820 Unh-unh, no, I saw how you reacted 290 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,212 when you pulled this out of your pocket. 291 00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,126 It frightened you. 292 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,345 Now, Richard, you tell me 293 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,914 what you see in that nightmare, everything. 294 00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,701 FITZ: Well, there's me 295 00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:28,138 on this wheel of death, 296 00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:32,229 a shadowy figure with a knife, 297 00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,840 a whole lot of talented babes 298 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,104 dying to take a ride on the SS Fitz, 299 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:41,673 the hotel and-- 300 00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,632 Wait a minute. 301 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:48,245 Fried chicken and a Bellini. 302 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,814 It's no wonder I can't remember anything. 303 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:56,079 Hm, what is a Bellini? 304 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,689 It's Fitzy kryptonite. 305 00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,040 It's made from peach schnapps. 306 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,389 It's my blackout booze. 307 00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:02,433 Game fucking over. 308 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,044 I'll never remember what happened. 309 00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:05,045 Hm, okay. 310 00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,916 Okay, yes, I got this, buddy. 311 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,789 Maybe you decided to run away 312 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,182 and join an all-female circus, 313 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,837 because you fell in love with a knife thrower. 314 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,100 Yeah, and then that night you stopped at a hotel 315 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,365 for some fried chicken and a Bellini! 316 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,803 I stand corrected, Larry. 317 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:28,372 That is the dumbest-assiest thing you've ever said. 318 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:31,549 [Switch clicking] 319 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:32,986 Really? 320 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,075 Sir, no this is not what it looks like. 321 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:38,208 Richard, please, tell the man it's not what it looks like. 322 00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:41,429 Did Josh send you for that blood? 323 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,171 You want to make five large? 324 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,520 I'm going to go wait in the car. 325 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,131 [Saw clattering] 326 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,931 Gun! 327 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:08,630 Danke. 328 00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,594 [Engine starting] 329 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,778 Another satisfied customer. 330 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,259 I still can't believe you paid that man 331 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,044 to amputate Dexter Laine's feet. 332 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,915 Oh, relax, Jack and the Gay-stalk. 333 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,047 They're not Uncle D's. 334 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,875 I couldn't do it, all right? 335 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,137 The guy was a fucking legend, 336 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,486 and you should be ashamed of yourself 337 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,923 for even suggesting the idea in the first place. 338 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:43,926 Me? But-- No, but Armin Scheuller-- 339 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,233 Armin Scheuller with the gun expected-- 340 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,888 Relax. Armin Scheuller will never know the difference. 341 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,020 But whose feet were they? 342 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,195 I don't know. Some hobo's. 343 00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,588 Ah. 344 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,244 Oh-- Oh, Richard! 345 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,810 Richard, I know how we can get Dot 346 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,290 to confess she's your shadowy figure! 347 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,249 By cutting off her feet? 348 00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,251 Maybe we can sell them to Armin and double our money! 349 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,339 No, no, no, not that. 350 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,993 Look, we convinced Armin Scheuller 351 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,212 that those hobo feet were actually Dexter Laine's-- 352 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,213 We? 353 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,519 Yeah, so now we can trick Dot 354 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,999 into believing that you remember everything 355 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,348 about that tryst with her. 356 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,437 Look, we know that you can't remember anything 357 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,222 from that night, but she doesn't! 358 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,878 It's not a bad idea, Larry. 359 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,227 Yes! 360 00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:34,281 ♪ 361 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,946 [Scoffing] 362 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,907 [Chattering] 363 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,517 Is this some kind of joke? 364 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:57,826 Oh, no. No, it's-- 365 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,176 It's an apology. 366 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,004 I've said and done some things lately 367 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,137 that I probably shouldn't have. 368 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,921 And nothing says, "Oh, fuck, sorry," 369 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,401 like a bucket of Dirty Bird. 370 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,057 It will take more than fried chicken 371 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:12,101 for me to forgive you 372 00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,581 for breaking into my apartment, 373 00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,104 stealing my personal property 374 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,106 and sexually harassing me. 375 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,587 Uh-huh, which is why 376 00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:23,678 we also bought you this. 377 00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,247 Peach schnapps. 378 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,813 Thank you. 379 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,034 Give it up, Foxley! We know it was you. 380 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,383 You are behind all of it, 381 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,081 the graffiti, the sexual tape, 382 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,518 the desecration of Babs Devon's grave! 383 00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,302 Hey, back off, Larry. 384 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,434 Just because she doesn't like you, 385 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,262 doesn't make her the dealership bike. 386 00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:43,393 Ooh, Dirty Birdie. 387 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,265 Hey, it's not your business, Josh! 388 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,836 Hos before bros, bro. 389 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,492 You don't have a single piece of concrete evidence against me. 390 00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:58,495 Well, perhaps you forgot about your night of passion 391 00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:03,326 at the Madison Arms, hm? 392 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:08,331 What night? 393 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,550 Mm-hm. 394 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,248 Uh... 395 00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:16,078 Uh, you know, that night. 396 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:20,517 That night that we watched a knife thrower 397 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:24,086 and ate fried chicken 398 00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:27,785 and pounded Bellinis. 399 00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:31,963 And then we went back to our room at the Madison arms. 400 00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:36,142 And then-- 401 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,882 Wait a minute. 402 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,667 I remember that night now. 403 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,321 We drank Bellinis, 404 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:45,281 we ate fried chicken, 405 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,456 and then we took 'Ludes! 406 00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,110 Love 'Ludes. 407 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:52,158 Oh, oh, Miss Foxley, we-- 408 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334 We've made a terrible mistake. 409 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,466 Richard, I know the night you're talking about, 410 00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:59,121 and I remember the woman you were with. 411 00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:02,168 And she was-- Whoo. 412 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:05,084 She was no Dot Foxley. 413 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,607 [Knocking on door] 414 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,217 LARRY: It was the morning after you judged 415 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,915 the Miss Super-Sized Super-Save Beauty Pageant. 416 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,134 Oh, Richard. 417 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,135 Your night of debauchery 418 00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,702 with the fourth runner-up 419 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618 resulted in an overdose on 'Ludes and schnapps. 420 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:22,623 We had to get to Emergency! 421 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,015 Schnapps! 422 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,669 Yeah, send an ambulance 423 00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,106 to the Madison Arms, room 201, 424 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,194 as fast as possible! 425 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,979 Please and thank you! Okay. 426 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,676 [Grunting] 427 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:34,809 You just thought of this now? 428 00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,115 Do you have any idea 429 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117 how many motel rooms I pulled you out of? 430 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:43,165 So many women, so many vibrating beds, so-- 431 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,427 So sorry. 432 00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,037 For what? 433 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,169 The libel? 434 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,344 The slander? 435 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,216 The sexual harassment? 436 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,652 The break-in? 437 00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,089 Save your apologies. 438 00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,743 This little performance 439 00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,179 is the final nail in your coffin, 440 00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:01,662 Richard Fitzpatrick. 441 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:02,663 Way to go, Larry. 442 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,186 I let you take a photo 443 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,363 of the train-track mark on my ass for nothing. 444 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:11,454 Train-track marks? 445 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:17,852 J'accuse! 446 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,462 A train-track hickey. 447 00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:23,162 Clicketty-clack, courtesy of Dot Foxley. 448 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,121 And her hidden braces. 449 00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,167 Just tighten them, dammit! 450 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,082 LARRY:Knives! 451 00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:33,172 Whoa! 452 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,085 Where did those come from? 453 00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:35,130 Put your pants on! 454 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,393 Miss Carbs. 455 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,484 So you finally remembered? 456 00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:45,401 DOT: I had it all, the suffocating talent, 457 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,098 the big-boned beauty, 458 00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:50,189 a custom-made size-24 swimsuit 459 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,538 and judge with a knife fetish. 460 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845 When you volunteered to be my target, 461 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,282 I thought it was in the bag. 462 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,849 ANNOUNCER: And the Miss Super-Sized Super-Save crown 463 00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,156 goes to Miss Big and Tall! 464 00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,897 Ladies and gentlemen... 465 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:06,727 I fell for the oldest trick in the book. 466 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,120 After you fixed the results to make sure I lost, 467 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,080 you swept in to console me. 468 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,082 - That is a classic. - Shht! 469 00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,650 DOT: You were everything I ever wanted in a man, 470 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:20,131 handsome, debonair, male. 471 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,785 No, no, I can't! 472 00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:26,442 I always promised myself I'd save this for my husband! 473 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,618 Whatever you want, baby. 474 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,273 Oh, yes, darling. 475 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,102 I will marry you. 476 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,582 [Sighing] 477 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,974 WOMAN OVER SPEAKER: Dr. Parsons to Cardiology. 478 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:38,628 Dr. Parsons to Cardiology. 479 00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,761 [EKG beeping] 480 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,939 [Respirator hissing] 481 00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:49,160 Fitz? Fitzy? 482 00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:53,077 Darling? 483 00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,123 You partied me into unconsciousness, 484 00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:58,039 then abandoned me. 485 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,956 Oh, wow. 486 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:05,351 Well, Richard, the whole point of this exercise 487 00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,091 was to identify the person 488 00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:08,528 you were wronged and make amends. 489 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,312 And that starts with apologizing 490 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:14,273 for this sad, strange series of events. 491 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,970 DOT, FITZ, JOSH: - Fuck off, Larry. - What? 492 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,188 DOT: I don't want an apology. 493 00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:20,714 I just want you. 494 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:21,889 Not on my watch, lady. 495 00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:24,065 Um, wait, what? 496 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:28,156 Hi, are you talking to me or Fitz? 497 00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:30,376 Ahem! 498 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,334 I lost all that weight, 499 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,815 took night courses in business management. 500 00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:37,383 I even learned how to harness mystical forces. 501 00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:41,822 I changed everything about myself, 502 00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:43,127 all for you. 503 00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:44,825 Told you. 504 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,523 No, but what about all that awful stuff 505 00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:49,046 that's been happening to Richard? 506 00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:52,136 Well, I never imagined my voodoo would be so strong. 507 00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,878 Wait, are you saying you didn't make my mommy tape 508 00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:58,273 or dig up Babs Devon or any of the other bad shit? 509 00:21:58,273 --> 00:22:00,362 All your bad luck, 510 00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:03,887 that's the power of my love. 511 00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,628 It's a fortune-teller's prophecy. 512 00:22:05,628 --> 00:22:09,023 Call it what you want, voodoo, karma, fate. 513 00:22:09,023 --> 00:22:12,243 I will make you love me again, 514 00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:13,332 no matter what. 515 00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:18,162 What did I ever do to you? 516 00:22:18,162 --> 00:22:21,601 LARRY: "'Ludes and schnapps." 517 00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:24,647 Oh, wow, that should have worn off by now. 518 00:22:24,647 --> 00:22:26,693 I had it tattooed, 519 00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:28,129 which I instantly regretted. 520 00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:29,130 LARRY: Oh, dear. 521 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,088 But it will always remind me 522 00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:34,440 of the night I fell in love. 523 00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,446 I fell in love too, baby. 524 00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:43,971 But we loved each other enough that one night 525 00:22:43,971 --> 00:22:46,103 to last a lifetime. 526 00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,156 Ew. 527 00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:59,290 I really am quite sorry. 528 00:23:02,816 --> 00:23:06,080 Richard Fitzpatrick! 529 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,734 If you walk out that door now, 530 00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:10,780 know that I will spend the rest of my life making you suffer. 531 00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:13,740 You want to go mano a mano with me, baby? 532 00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,046 Bring it on, sweetheart. 533 00:23:16,046 --> 00:23:17,526 I'll be laughing over your corpse 534 00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:20,137 long before you're laughing over mine. 535 00:23:20,137 --> 00:23:24,533 Who said anything about killing you, you big lug nut? 536 00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,622 You destroyed me 537 00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:30,234 psychologically, physically. 538 00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,890 And because of it, I am a better person. 539 00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,805 Definitely skinnier. 540 00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:39,418 True change requires suffering. 541 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:42,421 For me to drag you through hell, 542 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:47,208 that is real love. 543 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:50,385 So hang on tight, Richard Fitzpatrick. 544 00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:53,954 I am going to change your life. 545 00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:58,132 That is my job! 546 00:24:12,886 --> 00:24:14,627 She took the chicken. 547 00:24:14,627 --> 00:24:17,194 [Dog barking] 548 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:22,548 LARRY: Well, that was quite an adventure. 549 00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:24,288 Although it looks like we were wrong 550 00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:26,160 about Dot being your shadowy nemesis. 551 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,378 I guess the whole death prophecy, 552 00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:29,511 the Beaver Moon, it was all just a ruse. 553 00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:32,819 Yeah. No more nightmares, I guess. 554 00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,298 Yeah, and now you don't have to worry 555 00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:36,170 about taking Josh's sloppy seconds. 556 00:24:37,650 --> 00:24:38,781 All I'm worried about right now 557 00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,435 is getting a good night's sleep. 558 00:24:40,435 --> 00:24:41,741 Of course, Richard. Of course. 559 00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,482 There's just one more thing you have to do. 560 00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:45,571 What's that? 561 00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:47,616 Die! 562 00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,536 Oh, fuck. 563 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:56,538 [Panting] 564 00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:16,384 ♪